Every day I log onto instagram or facebook and see posts just like the one above over and over again. This post makes some good points. But I wanted to add two bits of advice for any man who sees this and thinks he's going to use the things listed above on the next woman he likes. First, use these things sparingly. I don't care if you've been with that woman for 6 months or you just met 6 days ago. Second, know that this list of things is extremely valuable. Not many people are selfless, and women are no exception. Below, I explain both of these points in some detail.
1. Use your super powers sparingly!
I have a (guy) friend who has been wanting to get married since he was 12 years old (so he says). He is everything that the picture above demands that he be. Oh, he's not perfect. He likes to smoke a little weed and play his Play Station 3. But he keeps a job, he has his own place, he has his own car, he doesn't drink, and he's good at showing attention to the woman he loves. I have another friend, same deal. But this one doesn't do any drugs, he doesn't drink. He has a job, he's a devout Christian, he has his own place, his own car, and he's in college. Again, he has the above list of "men's duties to a woman" down cold.
These two guys make the same mistake over and over: they smother their potential match with this nonsense until she stops returning their calls. You might say, "Well, Dev, the above picture has 'smother me' written all over it." Indeed it does! I'm glad you noticed that! Hehe... But the fact of the matter is this: it is very possible that the women who keep posting this stuff are single and starting to feel a little lonely. What they want is most likely amplified because of that. Women want to know that they have a good catch on their hands. You have to let them miss you, at least a little bit, before you go bugging them. If you tell her she's beautiful all the time, it will lose its effect. Tell her when it counts. How about that?
What you're giving is a treat, and you need to act accordingly. If you give a kid too many treats, she'll get a tummy ache and start refusing the candy. Same goes for women. Use this stuff too much and she'll begin rejecting you.
Take this advice very seriously, fellas. I've given this advice to friends before and they simply could not help themselves. They proceeded to smother anyways. This got them rejected by potential mates, and neglected or taken advantage of in established relationships.
2. You have the power, now choose carefully!
Now that you have both the qualitative and the quantitative sides down, you should know that selfishness is not a phenomenon pertaining to men alone. Women suffer from it too. In fact, many women (imo), despite their extensive knowledge on what men need to do for them, have no clue as to how to treat and love a man in return. You do NOT want to get stuck with a person like this. So, after many years of dating, I've learned to test it. Here are some things you should look out for:
(Remember, it's not only quality, it's also quantity. So don't go judging them after one or two mistakes. This needs to be a chronic problem occurring in more than a few ways.)
-She doesn't show much interest
You take the time to ask how her day was. You take the time to ask how work went. You take the time to ask how her family and friends are doing. But she doesn't ask you any of these things. This doesn't mean that she doesn't care about you. But it is a sign that she's too selfish to remember that she's actually supposed to do these things for you.
- She isn't aware of the world around her.
You go to the movies and notice that when you went through the front door, she didn't hold it open for that cute couple that was right behind her. It pretty much slammed in their faces. The lady at the cash register smiles and says, "Hello, welcome to such-n-such theater" and she doesn't even respond to her. On your way out, she accidentally bumps shoulders with someone who politely says, "Excuse me" but she doesn't respond or even look back. She's also a little cold with the waiter, later on when you take her out to dinner.
This my friend, is a sign of a selfish person. Write that down in your little mental notepad and be very cautious about her.
-She's not exactly the nurturing type
You buy flowers, you pay for all the dates, you do all the driving, you give foot massages and back rubs, let her pick which movie to watch and you let her select the radio station. But, for some reason, she complained the entire time you were out on that date. After noticing that you were going to pay, she didn't offer to leave the tip. Despite all the pampering, when was the last time she gave you a back rub? Come to think of it, was it the shortest, crappiest back rub you've ever received? Hell, has she ever done anything special for you (outside of your birthday and holidays when she's kind of obligated) without you having to ask for it?
These are just a few things that you should look out for. If they keep popping up, you should start reconsidering this relationship. No matter how much she loves you, she's just too selfish to ever treat a good man how he deserves to be treated. She has a lot more learning and growing to do as a person, and that could very well take the rest of her life to learn. If you're willing to wait and teach her through this, do so at your own risk.
So, fellas, stop distributing your awesomeness so much and for so little. Learn to hold out a bit. Get a life. Hit the gym. Hang out with your buddies. Pick a fine art and make the decision to work on it for 20-30 minutes everyday for the rest of your life. Read good books and learn to enjoy watching good movies alone. Be someone interesting, and be independent. These things will keep you busy enough not to smother that beautiful woman you just met, who's been showing some interest. And when you finally land a date with her, don't go falling in love too fast. Take two friggin seconds to see how she acts. Does she show any interest in you as a person? How does she treat the people around her? Does she do as much pampering as she's expecting from you? Love is a two-way street. Without reciprocity, you're going to start feeling very alone, very fast, despite the fact that she's sitting right there in front of you.
Best,
-Dev
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